A friend pointed out to me recently that I haven’t really updated since going to West Virginia three weeks ago. “What have you been up to? People want to know!” he insisted. Well, all right then. What I’ve been up to.

I started raising bees after getting back, because if one of my favorite authors can do it, surely I can too. It’s been quite fun, I’ve given each of the 500 bees their own name based on personality. There’s Fuzzy, Spunky, Flighty, Zippy, Sluggy, Bashful, Dizzy, Spazzy, Giggly, Loudmouth, Horny, Lazy, Chatterbox, and Purple Nurple… to name a few. I’ll spare you pictures of all of my little bee friends, but here’s just one. I think this one is Zsa Zsa. Or is it Portly? I get the two so confused.

Last week I met Delta Burke. For those who don’t know what’s up with the former-Suzanne-Sugarbaker, she’s now living in a gorgeous plantation-style mansion in the Deep South, also known as the Fairlington neighborhood of Arlington. Her twin daughters had been kidnapped by Gary Coleman by order of former mayor Marion Barry, and I had to wrestle Coleman and his flunkies on top of a Metro train speeding underneath the Potomac River. You’ll be relieved to know that Delta and her adorable children (Sigma and Theta) are now reunited. After all that was over, we ate rhubarb-strawberry pie, the perfect end to all adventures.

Then, earlier in the week, while at the public library I found a copy of the Necrocodex mere seconds after a bratty little kid summoned up That Which Cannot Be Named from the depths of the sunken city of R’leyh. (Due to its power to sap electricity, I couldn’t get a picture. But here’s an artist’s rendition of the event.)

Now, this was not good. First, the Dolly Madison Public Library will need all new carpets, because that slime is not coming out no matter how much cleaning solution and Stain-B-Gone they use. I mean, seriously, that is some putrid stuff. So who’s going to pay for that? The unfortunate tax payers of Fairfax County, that’s whom. (Good thing I live in Arlington now.)

Second, I am pretty sure that I lost my retainer in the scuffle. My orthodontist is going to kill me. I’m sure he’s going to think I accidentally threw it out with the rest of my lunch while at school. Those things are expensive.

Third, have you ever actually fought That Which Cannot Be Named? It’s a real pain in the rear, believe you me. Just tentacles and eyeballs and nothing to really punch. Honestly, if there hadn’t been a nearby cement mixer just parked with the keys still in the ignition, I’m not sure just what I’d have done. As it is, I was only able to immobilize it long enough to rename That Which Cannot Be Named to something that rolls of the tongue a little more. And I’ve always liked the name Raoul.

So, with Raoul scurrying back off to R’leyh (Raoul had to go fill out all sorts of name change forms), that just about wrapped up what I’ve been doing these last three weeks.

Oh yeah, and last night I went running for 10 miles.

…Yeah, who am I kidding, I didn’t think you’d believe that last one either.

(Hopefully everyone else has been having a more exciting last couple of weeks! I think I can sum it up as being nothing but working, running, playing Phoenix Wright and Puzzle Quest on the NintendoDS, watching some HBO shows, and a tiny bit of reading. Bring on something more riveting in September!)